Hollowed Out Documents

{ Saturday, December 10, 2011 }
It's really bizarre looking through this entire blog. It's odd in the sense that it has encapsulated my every little feeling since the now-tender age of 18. This blog, this anthology of nothing more than hollowed out documents, has witnessed my high school graduation, my crumpling up and throwing away of a three-year-long relationship into the wastebasket of regret, countless creative writing attempts (only a few of which I actually deem 'acceptable'), and intermittent peeks into the inner-workings of my head, heart and soul.

However, I never fail to feel intense pangs of remorse for a former self upon reading through past entries. This blog is a lucid, painful reminder of the feelings I never should have felt, the secrets I never should have shared and the various pairs of lips I never should have caressed.

My words don't hold the weighty, dark substance that they used to, and I am completely aware of this. It stings, but it is for the best. No longer am I the girl with the broken wing, nor will I ever be again. I used to be preyed upon like a weak, mysterious delicacy.
I am Redeemed. Life is beautiful, I am strong, and I won't let my past penned works tell me otherwise.

Suffering: Excellent Writing
Happiness: ____________?
...you complete the analogy.


sara tee said...

that's what life is all about: growing up, living, and learning.

nicholas said...

Joan Didion says this in "Slouching Towards Bethlehem":
] “I think we are well advised to keep on nodding terms with the people we used to be, whether we find them attractive company or not. Otherwise they turn up unannounced and surprise us, come hammering on the mind's door at 4 a.m. of a bad night and demand to know who deserted them, who betrayed them, who is going to make amends.”

I believe it true for all who care enough about themselves to keep in touch, and scribble feeling out through writing.

Lindsay said...

I really like that bit of wisdom, Nick. Very relevant. I actually read a good bit of Didion's work for Pate's Magazine Writing class, and "Marrying Absurd" was my favorite. Really quirky, but oddly touching. She's amazing.
Thanks for sharing, sir!

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