On May 18, 2010...

{ Tuesday, May 18, 2010 }
I found out my mother has breast cancer today. I've spent the past 12 hours or so in a shroud of disbelief, confusion, and insecurity. My household has been unnervingly quiet. No laughter, no easy-going conversation, no happiness.
My mom isn't even 50. This isn't supposed to be happening. I'm moving out in less than three months, when she needs me. I can't even start to explain the conflict in my heart at the moment. Do I leave in the fall to continue my higher education, or do I stay and put everything concerning myself on hold?
I'm trying my best to be strong, to keep my chin up, to not show any sign of weakness. I simply cannot break down, for it will break her.
I'm assuming her cancer is in stage I, since the doctors said her tumor is small and confined- roughly the size of a pea. I consider this a small blessing.
The next weeks will be full of testing, doctor's visits, and conclude with a lumpectomy and radiation therapy. Hopefully that will put an end to this nightmare.

If you're a praying person, please pray for my mother. If you aren't, please keep her in your thoughts. If you've gone through a similar experience with your mother, I would love to hear the outcome. Any words of comfort are greatly appreciated at this moment.



someone from smhs said...

Although we are not friends (more like acquaintances), I found your blog and love each and every post! I just want to express my deep sorrow about the news you heard today.
A family friend of ours recently got the news that she had Stage 1 breast cancer and had a lumpectomy and radiation, as well. Three months later, she was free from cancer. Granted, many checkups and tests will be in her future, but she had cancer and she's better for it. She found a new strength within herself and her family that got her through it. She now regards it as a blessing, as strange as that may sound.
I will fervently pray that God wraps His arms around your mom and your family and gives you a renewed sense of trust and hope- I know He will!
I know it's easier said than done, but try to keep the faith and know that He has it all planned out- plans to help you PROSPER.
"Then your light shall break forth like the morning, Your healing shall spring forth speedily, And your righteousness shall go before you; The glory of the LORD shall be your rear guard." -Isaiah 58:8
"O LORD my God, I cried out to You, And You healed me." -Psalm 30:2
As hard as it may seem, I know you can do it with His help. And your mom can, too.
Love and blessings!

someone from smhs said...

p.s. Just because you are going away to college during a hard time doesn't make you a bad daughter. Even though you will be 2 hours away, a lot of love can come in the form of frequent phone calls, letters, emails, cards, surprise visits, etc. This past year, during my first year being away from home, I went through a trying time myself and felt SO much love from my family back home in the PTC, which is 4 hrs away. Although it is completely your family's decision to make, I just wanted to let you know that distance doesn't erase the love that's there- you just have to go to a little more effort to show it.
Also, I am so glad to see that you embraced your unique-ness and gave up on the camoflouging act. You are beautiful, special, graceful, smart, and strong just the way you are. And that's what keeps mothers strong.
Okay, I'll conclude my novel now. :)
Trust. Pray. Hope. Repeat.

hiking in stilettos said...

I have to reiterate everything the smhs said. I am so so sorry that you and your mother are going through this.

You are right that it is a small blessing for the cancer to be small and confined. Try to focus on all of the positive stories that you hear. I know a wonderful woman who had Stage III breast cancer and is completely cancer free today.

I know it is hard to think about leaving for school, but don't you think your mom would want you to pursue your dream? I don't know you or her personally, but I do know my mother, and I think she would have encouraged me to go. I am sure your mom invested and encouraged you to pursue what you love, and doing just that will make her happy.

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Please let me know if I can help in any way.

Tarver said...

Lindsay, I am so sorry and I will definitely keep your mother and your entire family in my prayers. I have a friend who is going through a similar thing with her father, and she also thought about staying home to be with him, but he told her not to. And that her staying home would just make him feel worse because he knew he was taking away something she really wanted and deserved.
Let me know if can help in anyway with anything. I'll bring keeping you and your family in my prayers.

Sara Lynn said...

Lindsey I am so sorry to hear this, I wish that I could at least give you a hug. I will send good thoughts your Mom's way, and please keep us updated, I hope everything will be okay for you and your family.

Lots of prayers and love,


Ande said...

I just want to tell you that I am here if you need ANYTHING. Your mom is a fighter, and the positive energy you have is sure to help cure her. My grandpa had prostate cancer (I kind of think of it as the male version of breast cancer), and I know deep in my heart that the support he got from his family healed him just as much as any medical procedure.

You and your family are at the top of my thoughts and prayers. Stay strong! I see a survivor in my future!

JustNorman said...

keep your head up, she'll pull through.
shit seems bad but like all moms she's a soldier, she'll be fine.


Juliane Haley said...

I just caught up on your blog, so sorry to hear the news about your mom. I'll keep her in my prayers.

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